New Blog!

I have a new blog to follow myself throughout prepping for my wedding! Check it out here!

xoxo
A

Picked My Dress!

Well, within one of the first 5 dresses I tried on I found my dress! I found the headband, the veil, the shoes, the dress, Mom's dress, and one of my MOH's dresses!!!! It was all so perfect! I had an amazing day with Corey and she was SO helpful! Funny story about the shoes...some other girl was sitting there waiting to for her friend/sister to look at dresses and I said I wished I had shoes to see what the dress looked like with me on heels. The girl goes, "Do you want me to get some?" I said sure, not specifying what kind or the heel height, and she comes back with an amazing pair--the pair I'm going to wear!!! They're beautiful and look great with the dress!

Colleen, one of my MOH, took pictures but her camera died and she left the cord that connects the camera to the computer at her apartment in Atlanta, GA. So I won't get them until next week sometime. The only negative aspect of the day was when I looked at the pics and realized how big my arms are. I know I've gained weight but my arms looked really big. I know the camera adds weight but I also know how much tighter shirts are for me. Ya, there is a decent amount of muscle under there but I also know you cannot see that muscle definition because of the fat on top. So I'm really determined to kick butt with the eating now and find my routine of healthy eating.

So here is the dress and you can click the "alternate view" to see the train. I really thought it was going to be too much and the bottom looked way too heavy but I ended up falling in love with it and Mom and Colleen both said that it was "the one!" The picture really does no justice to the dress, especially the bottom half. But it looks amazing!

Oh Stress, How I Loathe You

I hate stress and the fact that I stress out over the littlest things that shouldn't be stressful. Last night after I got home from the chiro and stopping at Dierbergs, more stuff was going on with this job that was offered to me by Dad's former employee. To sum it up, Dad played middle man and tried relaying info between this woman and me.

It was ridiculous. I was told by Dad to not call this woman back and to call the man who is the chef and owns the place where I was offered the job. Dad told me to call him between 4-6pm yesterday to set up an interview for TODAY! Whoa last minute information! (a) Mom, Colleen, and I are going to look at wedding dresses today. My friend has all mine pulled and we have an apt. with her at 11:30am (b) I have ZERO interview-type clothes. No wait, make that no dress clothes. I have a few sun dresses but that's it (c) my resume isn't even fully updated. So I was freaking out that I'd have to call someone (the woman or the chef) and explain everything and that I wasn't coming in for an interview after all this phone tag. Found out I didn't have to call anyone so I felt a little relived. I was just worried about Dad calling me and asking if I set up an interview and/or what was going on.

Luckily as of this morning he hasn't said anything. Of course, that's like my father to not say anything to me. We never talk. The only time he opens up and jokes and talks with me is when Jeff is around. I don't know why that relaxes him but it does. He doesn't not communicate with me because he's mean or a bad father, he just doesn't know how. He can communicate and talk to his patients at work really well, but when it comes to his own daughter, forget it.

Back to last night...so I started updating my resume and was struggling with parts of it and not sure what to put or was lacking info that I had to get from my mother about the work I do at their office. I also had to start looking for jobs online and I did find quite a few that are receptionist jobs with full benefits, paid vaca, and start around $14/hr! So I got excited and start telling Mom about them when she got home. Big mistake there. Being Negative Nancy she starts listing all the things that could be wrong with the jobs and that, "You better send that resume now! Those job positions won't stay open!", and is getting on my case about that. I just walked out of the room because I was getting so pissed off.

Needless to say, I was highly stressed out at this point and had consumed 6oz of white Merlot and a Clif chocolate chip bar that I didn't need to eat because I had already eaten dinner. I had a few other nibbles of "junk" food but nothing drastic. I called Jeff a bit later asking him if he wanted to go to Baskin Robbins and get some ice cream. I figured I'd just chalk up the day as one off day on my 21 day plan. If I *really* only have one off day in the 21 days, I highly doubt it'll hurt me.

So we got the ice cream but I only got one scoop of the no sugar added Turtle Truffle in a cup. I was kinda hungry by 11pm because the last time I ate was 4pm so I made a sandwich with Natural Hormel turkey meat, Healthy Life bread, fat free slice of cheese, and the end of some Baked Doritos. This all would have been good and God if I didn't wake up at 3:30am in back pain and go wandering into the kitchen while still half asleep! I got a strawberry milkshake pop tart (which I NEVER eat!) and cut a small piece of the chocolate iced brownie mom made. WTF?! A year or so ago I would get up in the middle of the night "hungry", or so I thought I was, and would eat junk food til I was stuffed! Thank goodness I broke myself of that habbit.

So that brings me to this morning. I don't think my belly is any bigger than usually with bloat from the processed foods last night, so that makes me feel better. Speaking of bloat, I totally forgot to talk about this...yesterday around 3pm my tummy blew up! I thought I had to go potty again but the more I took notice of how my body was really feeling, I started to think it was just bloat. And by 9pm I was sure it was because it was going away and I had gas LOL I did consume whey a few time yesterday and call me crazy, but I think I've noticed on the days I consume more whey, the more bloated I get!

So today I'm going to rest (the first time in like 2 weeks! Ugh!) and not consume any whey. I was kinda struggling making breakfast because I wanted to eat something that'll stick with me through out dress shopping but not make me feel too full. I ended up eating a Thomas Light english muffin with some peanut butter and a container of Dannon Light and Fit yogurt. I was going to do the muffin and some whey in my tea but I really want to figure out if the whey is to blame.

Now I have to get ready to go dress shopping!!! I may take my camera to get some pics and I may post them ;o) Have a great one!

Night Owl? More Like Nocturnal

Well I held down the fort yesterday with only a few small bites of the edge of the icing around my cookie cake. I left the rest of the square and just nibbled the icing :o) Hey, it was mine, I can do with it what I want! I ended up not eating most of my last meal (Chix Vegetable Rice) because I had zero appetite so I figured the cookie made up for some of that missed meal plus some.

I ended up reading before bed and was getting ready to go to sleep around 1:30am. My back was sore but not too awful so I figured I could get to sleep...which I did, until 4:30am. I've noticed for a few nights this has been happening. I go to bed around 1am and by 4:30 or 5:30am I'm wide awake in pain. So instead of tossing and turning trying to get comfortable, I sat up, took some pain pills, and decided to finish my book. The only position I was comfortable in was sitting Indian style and then lying my chest down over my lap. My chiro said this actually doesn't help the problem, it encourages it more because my disks are bulging when I sit like this. But he said if you're in that much pain and this is the only way you can get relief, then sit like that. So I did until I finished the book and the pills had fully kicked in which was around 6am.

So I went back to sleep knowing my alarm was going to go off in an hour. I was pissed. It went off at 7am and I reset it for 8am. I was supposed to get up early so I could workout and then go with Jeff out to a car place to have his RSX looked at...or something. He talks cars and I kinda zone out lol Kinda like when I talk about makeup, clothes, shoes, etc. So the alarm went back off at 8am, I got up, opened my blinds and stood there LOL I felt AWFUL. Drained, exhausted, sore, and crabby. I thought of working out and thought, "Oh hell no!" I had zero energy. I debated for 5 minutes if I should go back to bed, forgo going out to the car place with Jeff, and getting some sleep. Or, should I just suck it up, workout, and hope my workout was good despite my lack of energy and hope that I would be more energized after it. Usually I'll go with the later. But I felt so bad that I said screw it, closed up my blinds and drapes, and reset my alarm for 10:30am.

I felt MUCH better when I got up at 10:30am. Kinda groggy but much more energized. I ended up skipping my precardio meal and did it fasted. I felt a lot better going through the workout without food in my belly. I didn't feel things moving around and didn't look like I was 5 months pregnant when I was done. Usually I'm so bloated it's crazy and it doesn't go away til a few hours later. The workout was FANTASTIC!!!! The best I've had in quite awhile. I was PUMPED!

And now my back hurts like a bitch lol From working out? Nah. Just because I'm sitting in front of my computer putting all that stress on my spine. It feels great when I'm doing Tae Bo because the stiffness is getting worked out of the muscles and I'm limbered up when I'm done.

I haven't fully prepped meals for today but I have an idea of what I'm going to eat. I totally forgot about whipping up protein loaves to eat during the day and since my carbs are higher right now, I can get away with eating them often.

Time to lay down and ease some of this stress off my back. Make it a great day!

Prepping, Planning, Succedding

Found this quote and it reminded me of my debacle of people who get liposuction and don't change:

"Pity the man who inherits a million and isn't a millionaire.Here's what would be pitiful,if your income grew and you didn't." --Jim Rohn

So today is the first of my 21 days. The plan states not to double up on your workouts and to actually dial them down a bit. I figure I don't do anything else during the day (ie work, run errands, take care of kids) so instead of just sitting around online or reading, I can workout again. So this morning I'm doing Tae Bo (an ab-based one, so that dials the intensity down quite a bit) and upper body training this evening. In between those two I have a mani/pedi appointment so I can use the gift certificate Mom got me for my birthday.

Last night I planned out all my meals for today and I'm about to go prep for some of my meals now. I know one thing that helps me succeed all the way through the day is prepping, planning, and cooking meals ahead of time. I have the time to do it so I might as well. So tonight I'll prep for tomorrow even though I have nothing to do but workout.

Updates:

• All meals except M6 are prepped.
  
• Cardio consisted of Tae Bo Ab Bootcamp. Not much of a sweat breaker or pulse raiser but it did work the heck out of my abs! I don't think I'll consider a real cardio day. More on the borderline of strength training/pylos
• My father talked to the lady who offered me the job a few weeks ago. She already hired someone for the day shift but they still need someone for the evening shift which is 3-7pm. I'm really debating on this job because as nice as it would be to only work 4 hours a day M-Sat and have the whole day to myself, Jeff works 7am-4pm and I'd never see him. I could always come over after work around 8pm but he gets ready for bed at 10pm. We'd have zero time together and our Saturdays would suck. I think I'm going to mention to Mom tonight that I really do like her job and want to do it. She's going to hit the roof and tell me no but I won't know for sure until I ask, right? Right....I just have to remember that later tonight when I chicken out and don't want to ask her.
  

Celebrate!

Today we had my graduation/late birthday party. Mom got sub sandwiches, a cookie cake, and made some kind of cake with peach schnapps. I wasn't going to have any of it because I wanted to start the 21 days of Oxygen's dieting down plan today. But I knew if I denied myself some of it that I'd sneak out into the kitchen later tonight and splurge on it when everyone went to bed. Yes, I still feel guilty when I eat "unhealthy" foods or things people don't think I normally eat. Family members and friends know how much control (they called it craziness and over controlling) I used to have over my foods and they still are in shock when they see me eat anything most people don't consider healthy.

I hate that they still get this reaction because it makes me feel guilty whenever I eat food like that. I also feel guilty because I'm trying to lose BF and get control over my food choices again. I feel like I'm contradicting myself and being a hypocrite. I feel like I should be one way or the other, not somewhere in between. I know it's good to be in between and it's healthier to not be so over controlling of everything, but at the same time it's so hard to feel okay when eating out of my norm.

Anyways, the sub sandwiches had a TON of bread on them (really really thick bread) so I took off the top layer and ate it open faced. I had two 1 1/2 inch wedges but I took everything but the American cheese, turkey, lettuce, and tomato off. I don't eat ham, roast beef, or salami. Yuck! Then Mom bought another cookie cake (besides the one for my birthday 2 weeks ago) despite me telling her not to. I cut it up and I was vvv proud of myself for eating a small corner of it and that was it. I also had a tiny sliver of her peach schnapps cake. It was kinda boozy tasting...I still think Mom added more liqueur in it than it called for haha

So I'm pretty proud of how I ate. Not over controlling to where I'd binge later tonight but let myself enjoy what I had without giving into self control and eating more than what satisfied my taste buds. This past week I bought a bottle of white zinfandel for today but I know what alcohol does to your metabolism and I didn't feel like doing more damage than I did. I also knew that if I drank I'd eat A LOT more than I did.

Another reason to celebrate: I'm looking into a full time job. I was offered a position by a former employee of my father's who owns/runs a catering and specialty foods store with her boyfriend. It was about 4 weeks ago when she called me to offer it to me and at the time I thought, hell no! Now with actually having graduated and needing to find a job, I realize I should have been more open to it. I'm praying that she still has the position open and I'm going to tell her I didn't call her until now because I wasn't sure if I was really going to graduate because of the accounting II class--which was 100% true. I'm calling her tomorrow so please pray I get the job! I think she told me it's 40 hours a week--which is going to kill me for awhile. When I did part time work during the summer I was doing 24 hours max a week. My only concern is being able to stand that long...or sit for that matter. My back has been awful since graduation because of the hot shoes I wore LOL Hey, at least I looked cute at the time, right?

Now back to this whole 21 days thing. Lying in bed last night I got to thinking, you know, even if I do drop 10lbs in 21 days (like the plan guarantees--right, I'm not setting my expectations for that. Any loss is an accomplishment for me), what's the say that after those 21 days that my eating habits won't return to what they were prior to the 21 days? When I was at the end of my Tae Bo workout today, Billy said, "You have to change what's in here (pointing to himself), before you can change what's on the outside." It's so true. If I don't change my mindset about my eating habits and self control, how am I going to keep what has changed on the outside?

I've always wondered, these people that get liposuction....after they get it, how do they change their eating habits? At least when you've worked for the loss you know how much determination and self control it took and you're a changed person in the end. When you get liposuction or any other fat reduction surgery, you're mentality is still the same the day after surgery. Maybe these people can change their mindset after seeing the new them. Maybe I'm wrong assuming they can't change that easily. But I know that it's taken 3 or more years to finally realize that I have to change my inside before I can change my outside.

It takes 21 days to form a habit (or so "they" claim). Hopefully after these 21 days I'll have stepped out and changed part of my inside as well as my outside.

Now for the day:
CARDIO: ON
TRAINING: OFF
MEALS: ON with the exception of the celebrate food

Let's also hope that in 21 days I have a job! :o)

xoxo
A

Holy Bored!

So our electric went out 2 hours ago when a small thunderstorm moved through. Only 58 people don't have electric, which is less than our whole subdivision. Luckily I got my leg training in and ate my PWO meal before the lights went out. Now I'm wondering what I'm going to do for the rest of my meals. I had some Hormel natural turkey meat and some Genisoy soy crisps for my PPWO meal but I still need at least one more meal. I might spend the night at Jeff's if the electric doesn't come back on so I can always cook there. Funny how I used to love when the lights went out when I was little. Now its a huge pain.