Celebrate!

Today we had my graduation/late birthday party. Mom got sub sandwiches, a cookie cake, and made some kind of cake with peach schnapps. I wasn't going to have any of it because I wanted to start the 21 days of Oxygen's dieting down plan today. But I knew if I denied myself some of it that I'd sneak out into the kitchen later tonight and splurge on it when everyone went to bed. Yes, I still feel guilty when I eat "unhealthy" foods or things people don't think I normally eat. Family members and friends know how much control (they called it craziness and over controlling) I used to have over my foods and they still are in shock when they see me eat anything most people don't consider healthy.

I hate that they still get this reaction because it makes me feel guilty whenever I eat food like that. I also feel guilty because I'm trying to lose BF and get control over my food choices again. I feel like I'm contradicting myself and being a hypocrite. I feel like I should be one way or the other, not somewhere in between. I know it's good to be in between and it's healthier to not be so over controlling of everything, but at the same time it's so hard to feel okay when eating out of my norm.

Anyways, the sub sandwiches had a TON of bread on them (really really thick bread) so I took off the top layer and ate it open faced. I had two 1 1/2 inch wedges but I took everything but the American cheese, turkey, lettuce, and tomato off. I don't eat ham, roast beef, or salami. Yuck! Then Mom bought another cookie cake (besides the one for my birthday 2 weeks ago) despite me telling her not to. I cut it up and I was vvv proud of myself for eating a small corner of it and that was it. I also had a tiny sliver of her peach schnapps cake. It was kinda boozy tasting...I still think Mom added more liqueur in it than it called for haha

So I'm pretty proud of how I ate. Not over controlling to where I'd binge later tonight but let myself enjoy what I had without giving into self control and eating more than what satisfied my taste buds. This past week I bought a bottle of white zinfandel for today but I know what alcohol does to your metabolism and I didn't feel like doing more damage than I did. I also knew that if I drank I'd eat A LOT more than I did.

Another reason to celebrate: I'm looking into a full time job. I was offered a position by a former employee of my father's who owns/runs a catering and specialty foods store with her boyfriend. It was about 4 weeks ago when she called me to offer it to me and at the time I thought, hell no! Now with actually having graduated and needing to find a job, I realize I should have been more open to it. I'm praying that she still has the position open and I'm going to tell her I didn't call her until now because I wasn't sure if I was really going to graduate because of the accounting II class--which was 100% true. I'm calling her tomorrow so please pray I get the job! I think she told me it's 40 hours a week--which is going to kill me for awhile. When I did part time work during the summer I was doing 24 hours max a week. My only concern is being able to stand that long...or sit for that matter. My back has been awful since graduation because of the hot shoes I wore LOL Hey, at least I looked cute at the time, right?

Now back to this whole 21 days thing. Lying in bed last night I got to thinking, you know, even if I do drop 10lbs in 21 days (like the plan guarantees--right, I'm not setting my expectations for that. Any loss is an accomplishment for me), what's the say that after those 21 days that my eating habits won't return to what they were prior to the 21 days? When I was at the end of my Tae Bo workout today, Billy said, "You have to change what's in here (pointing to himself), before you can change what's on the outside." It's so true. If I don't change my mindset about my eating habits and self control, how am I going to keep what has changed on the outside?

I've always wondered, these people that get liposuction....after they get it, how do they change their eating habits? At least when you've worked for the loss you know how much determination and self control it took and you're a changed person in the end. When you get liposuction or any other fat reduction surgery, you're mentality is still the same the day after surgery. Maybe these people can change their mindset after seeing the new them. Maybe I'm wrong assuming they can't change that easily. But I know that it's taken 3 or more years to finally realize that I have to change my inside before I can change my outside.

It takes 21 days to form a habit (or so "they" claim). Hopefully after these 21 days I'll have stepped out and changed part of my inside as well as my outside.

Now for the day:
CARDIO: ON
TRAINING: OFF
MEALS: ON with the exception of the celebrate food

Let's also hope that in 21 days I have a job! :o)

xoxo
A

Holy Bored!

So our electric went out 2 hours ago when a small thunderstorm moved through. Only 58 people don't have electric, which is less than our whole subdivision. Luckily I got my leg training in and ate my PWO meal before the lights went out. Now I'm wondering what I'm going to do for the rest of my meals. I had some Hormel natural turkey meat and some Genisoy soy crisps for my PPWO meal but I still need at least one more meal. I might spend the night at Jeff's if the electric doesn't come back on so I can always cook there. Funny how I used to love when the lights went out when I was little. Now its a huge pain.

It's Getting Closer!

Mom gave me the "okay" to start wedding dress shopping! We still don't have a permanent date set but thinking around 10/10/10. It is a Sunday but Sunday weddings are becoming more popular and they're cheaper. My good friend from high school currently works at David's Bridal so she had me send her my favorites and she's going to get them ready for me! My BFF and I are going in June 4th to look at them!

I'm more determined than ever to slim down. I'm down to 128.5lbs right now which was quite a jump down from the 130lbs I was holding this past Saturday. Works for me! I know wedding planning will become much less stressful, as will trying to drop BF, if I get it done with before the planning starts and before the wedding is near. I know how I handle myself under stressful situations (aka MU) and if I have myself under control by then I'll be in much better shape.

I figure one treat meal a week works for me. I don't crave sugar and junk like I used to a few months ago so I've gotten over that hurdle. Now it's just staying on plan when I'm pressed for time and/or could easily have something out instead of cooking a meal. I did great last night with planning though.

Last night was another hurdle for me...that I cleared! I knew around 5-5:30pm I was going to eat another meal and I was thinking a Subway turkey salad. Yes it's processed but it's low cal/low carb/ and Jeff can get something there also. Unfortunately Jeff wasn't hungry and didn't want Subway at the time and I knew it'd be faster if I went home, cooked something, and came back to his house instead of driving to Subway. So I went home and made a salad with baby tomatoes, almonds, and salmon for that meal and preped for M5 and made some ST-less pancakes. It all held me over and the day was good!

I've been rotating starches (ST) for a few days now and yesterday was my first 1ST day. I thought, from previous ST rotating experience, that it would be really hard. Especially coming off of a high ST diet. I was eating little to no veggies and lots of oatmeal, Kashi cereal, english muffins, low carb tortillas, and fiber bars for quite a few months. I've learned that I eat starches when I'm stressed or upset about things. I remember when I was on SOS and was doing the contest prep diet and had my first ST-less day. I thought I was going to die without oatmeal for breakfast! haha Now I can get through a ST-less day just fine with no cravings. I may crave STs but it's only because throwing a meal together with them is much easier than trying to get creative with protein and veggies or fruit.

I was getting sick of eating a chix breast with green beans a few nights ago so Jeff and I hit up Dierbergs last night and I got bags of mixed veggies. I can handle eating plan foods but I need some variety in the veggies. I've also learned to use Mrs. Dash's seasonings. Those things do wonders for chix and veggies! A little honey dijon mustard helps too ;o)

Time to run errands, make it a great one!

"The person who gets the farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare. The sure-thing boat never gets far from shore."
–Dale Carnegie

Relief At Last!

I've been thinking about my blog for the past few days and realizing how forgetful I am. With the end of the school semester, I was stressed out about finals and about graduating. I can happily announce that I am an official alum of the University of Missouri-Columbia! Woo hoo! I was in tears after my accounting II final, which was the determinant in my graduating or not. I really thought I blew it, which I did...blew it out of the water in a good way! The final exam was my highest test score of the semester in there! WTF? Figure that one out! My money is on all the praying my family/friends and I did. Thank you Jesus!

The day of graduation I felt like a huge void was lifted off of me. It was amazing, the feeling I was experiencing. Six years of hell and stress gone. Just like that. After walking across that stage and shaking the hands and hugging my professors, relief! So I have to get a full time job now. WHO CARES?! So many people, including my fiance, have told me, "You're going to wish you were back in school after you get a job." Really? NO! I think not. I KNOW not. Yes, a job may stress you out, but not in the way the stress of school and not knowing if I was going to pass a class or when I was going to graduate stressed me out. My whole life was on hold because of one exam or one class. The night of my Accounting II final I couldn't sleep, tossed and turned, cried. What if I didn't pass the exam? That means I couldn't find a full time job, I couldn't start planning our wedding, and I couldn't even begin to fathom when we'd move out of our parent's homes for good. It was awful.

That being said, I feel like a new me. Actually, I feel like I got the old me back. The me who loved fitness and healthy eating. The me who worked out and ate healthy because I enjoyed it, not because I was trying to keep up or achieve something. I feel SO in control of my life. That's it--MU took the control of my life away. Sure I could study my butt off, but that never guaranteed that I'd pass. Exams have always, even since Elementary school, given me a hard time. Anyways, I'm happy now--everyday! I wake up and think, life is good! I have purpose! Ya, some days things go wrong but over all, life is good! For four years while at MU I never was able to wake up thinking that. I'd wake up and dread the day, knowing I was struggling.

So on my plate right now is to find a job. Full time, part time, doesn't matter to me or Mom. I'm considering taking over Mom's job but then again, applying at Juicy Couture sounds like fun. I swore I'd never work retail again but our Juicy store is in Plaza Frontenac which is a very upscale mall. You don't see the typical mall shopper in there, nor crowds. It's quite, peaceful, and upscale. Very chic and calm. I love it! Plus, I love Juicy....ok, no, I'm obsessed with Juicy. When I redid my room last summer I had a "Juicy" theme in mind: Victorian, pink, dark chocolate brown, and elegant. And I must say, it ended up pretty Juicy! I figure my Bachelor of Science in Textile & Apparel Management degree can't hurt when applying there either. I'm not looking to become a manager--I don't want that much responsibility. Just a sales associate is fine for now...until I figure out what I really want to do.

Speaking of working, I have to get going and head to Dad's office. Catching up on some computer work today. Then home for training.

Have a good one!
xoxo
A

One Week Til Graduation...OMG

I cannot believe that in one week I'll be graduating and finally have my degree. I'm slightly scared to enter the "real world" and get a big girl job. Actually, I just don't want to. The longest job I've held was 3 months during the summer and it was part time at the mall. It was hell. Never again will I work retail. I'd kill to work from home and not be bothered by people and being able to work on my own time would be a blessing. I have a hard time having people give me orders and telling me what time I have to work. I'm praying I get to take over my mother's job at my dad's office. She's getting too old for it and her methods are WAY outdated and inefficient. That or I'd be happy being a receptionist at a doctor's office.

This past weekend Jeff and I went to CoMo to get my tassel for graduation and we got my new computer! It's a graduation present but, shockingly, my parents didn't say anything after I set it up when we got home yesterday. I LOVE it!!! I'm definitely a Mac girl ;o) I love all the artsy fun stuff on it. PCs are too boring for me and they all look the same.

Anyways, we had an amazing time in Columbia! It was really good for our relationship. Since we no longer have a place of our own and are not able to have total alone time without anyone butting in, it was a great time to really focus on each other and us as a whole. Friday after we got there and checked in (our suite at the new Hampton Inn was fabulous!) we went downtown to Main Squeeze. It's this adorable natural foods cafe that has amazing food! I got a burrito with tofu, carrots, tahini sauce, spinach, cabbage, and green onions in it along with a vegan coconut chocolate chip cookie. Jeff got a fruit smoothie and a cookie. Little did we know when we went back to our hotel that they'd have free cookies sitting out. We took a few :o) I figured I've been dieting pretty well the past few weeks and this little treat would be good.

I used to be able to eat the burrito, cookie, and chips and salsa it came with. I got done with half the burrito and thought I was going to explode! I even got it without rice and extra veggies. I couldn't imagine eating it with rice also. I was very proud of myself for not eating the rest. I used to continue eating even after my stomach told me I was full. It was huge progress step for me.

We hung out in the room for a bit while Jeff closed the deal on his new Acura RSX he's getting and I read my book. Then we headed to the bookstore and got my tassel and my computer. We came back, set up my computer, and we played around in it for a bit. My back was really hurting and stiff from the drive up there despite having done Tae Bo that morning. It was really nice out so we took a 90 minute walk around campus. When we got back I had an itching for Gumby's pizza so we showered then headed out to get it. We used to get a large pizza and each eat half, which was about 4 slices each. We'd also get an order of Pokey Stix which are like cheesy bread sticks. We got those, too, this time. And again, we used to each eat half which was equal to the size of 4 slices of pizza. Fatty, carb laden foods? Oh yes. Was it worth it? Oh yes! lol

I got down 3 pieces of pizza and 2 regular size Pokey Stix and two small end pieces and thought I was going to explode again. How I used to eat so much I don't know. I was proud of myself for stopping once again. Needless to say when I woke up Saturday morning I felt awful! My stomach hurt so bad Friday night when we went to bed that I tossed and turned for a few hours and only got about 3 good hours of sleep.

Our hotel offered free breakfast in the morning so after I got online and checked my mail and made some coffee in the room, I went downstairs to see what they had. Luckily they had some very healthy choices of omelette's, English muffins, Yoplait fat free yogurt, Special K cereal, and oatmeal. I wanted to enjoy this weekend though and not worry about everything that went into my mouth so I got a bowl of Special K with skim milk, more coffee, some sort of strawberry crumb muffin, and a banana for Jeff.

After we got dressed and checked out we went to visit a former co-worker of Jeff's from the cycle shop he worked at in Columbia while we went to school there. He and his wife just had a baby two weeks ago so we went to visit. After there we went to find Mizzou Arena where I'll have my graduation ceremony on Sunday. We decided to get lunch before heading back home and I decided on Quizno's. I've eaten there once before with Jeff. It's so good but very high calorie and high fat. I got the same as before, the Tuscan Turkey. I knew I should have ordered it without the red peeper sauce because as much as I love peppers, they hate me. And this sandwich was rich to begin with and the sauce just made it worse....or better. However you want to look at it lol

Jeff drove the first hour home and thank goodness he did because I thought I was going to get sick. I had one too many carb laden meals within the past 24 hours and thought I was going to vomit. I was burping up the meal all the way home. By the time we got home it was time for another meal....if I would have been sticking to my normal food plan. But the last thing I wanted to think about was food. It was hard enough to drink water without feeling sick.

Of course that didn't stop me from saying "okay" to stopping at Spanky's Frozen Custard 5 hours later to get a sundae with hot fudge, caramel, and a mass amount of cookie dough. Again, I couldn't eat all of it and it was small to begin with. I really don't know how people eat fast food and unclean foods all the time.

Today I'm back to my normal eating routine and boy does it feel good! I never thought I'd be so happy to eat plain food. And now I know when we stay at Hampton Inn this up coming Saturday/Sunday I can get healthy, plain(er) food for breakfast on Sunday. I also know I can use their workout room on Sunday morning to work off my anxiety and stress before graduation Sunday afternoon. I saw a treadmill and an elliptical in there so I'll probably get up early Sunday morning to hop on the elliptical before getting ready for graduation.

Today I was going to do Tae Bo but I had an urge to get on the treadmill and do a run/walk workout. Warmed up for 3 minutes at a brisk walk then did 2 min jog/1 min walk 10x and cooled down for 4 minutes. My exercise induced asthma kicked in and I couldn't do more than jog but it felt good to get a different form of cardio in for a change.

Off to study for my accounting II exam on Wednesday. Wish me luck!!!

Another Bites The Dust

After my 4 weeks of getting towed under the wagon and gaining back 3 of the 6 pounds I lost, I'm finally make progress again! Down to 128.5lbs! Yesterday I weighed in at 129.5. I'm assuming some of what I gained was water weight. I can see and feel the gain and it's been bothering me and I was feeling like I was back at square one again and was just stuck there forever. When that number starts to move and I start to see and feel changes, I'm more motivated than ever!

This weekend is going to be tough to maintain those feelings though. We're going to Columbia Friday morning and coming home Saturday. But at least I can take a few bars with me to eat and since I lived in CoMo for 4 years I know what places I can go to for healthy food. There's a Subway and a great little natural foods cafe that has the most amazing veggie quesadillas! Our hotel offers a free breakfast the next morning and I think I'm going to use that as my treat meal instead of eating one on Sunday.

The foot is feeling better but still aches. Yesterday I did Tae Bo and I was surprised my foot wasn't really hurting afterwards. So on with Tae Bo today! I totally forgot about going to CoMo on Friday-Saturday and that those two days will be rest days and I ended up resting this past Sunday. So the plan for the week is Tae Bo Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and weights on Wednesday. All the Tae Bo this week will include the weighted resistance bands and that definitely does some work on my muscles so I'm not concerned with getting just one day of weight training in this week.

Don't Make a Mountain Out Of a Molehill

I was doing pretty good this week, not perfect but a step up from where I was before. Last night I took a tumble though. I think my hormones are still getting used to my new birth control and one tiny argument with my mother around 10pm just set me off. Yes, I am an emotional eater and my BFF, whom I normally vent to, was unavailable to talk at the time. One thing I must say, I'm very proud of myself for not turning to "junk" food. I did eat outside of my daily allotted amounts, but it was all natural food despite the two small bites of a cookie--which wasn't even appealing to me. I took that as a sign of stepping forward and away from the sugar addiction.

Today is simply upper body training. Yesterday was Tae Bo and my hamstring still gets quite sore when I sit with my leg fully extended in front of me (if sitting on the floor or bed) and if I sit indian-style too long. I'm not sure if rest will help or if that will cause it to get too stiff. My foot is also quite sore still and I don't want to push it too much, although my chiropractor told me that he wouldn't tell me to stop doing Tae Bo to let it heal because every time I put pressure on it or walk it's getting retorn and only time will help it heal. Plus, when doing Tae Bo it never hurts because I have great shoes on with my insoles and my wrap.

Recap of the day:

Training went well. I pushed myself further and lifted heavier. Lord knows when I wake up tomorrow morning I'll be feeling it. Meals went pretty well. I'm trying to incorporate more veggies into my meals/day but ever since doing a 12 week show plan, despite my not doing a show, that was encouraged by my former trainer, I've been a little scared of veggies. I was living on broccoli/green beans/peppers/fish or chix for 12 weeks. That was a little over a year ago and I still cannot look at broccoli the same way.

Anyways, my macros were higher than I would have liked for the day but still in fat loss mode. And of course I couldn't get through the day without an awful food temptation, right? My father decided to whip up his cheesecake with strawberry preserves/jelly on top! Last time he made this I'd sneak out into the kitchen when everyone had gone to bed and eat a few spoonfuls of it. Unfortunately this continued every night until it was gone. Although I do know I didn't eat it all--my family has quite the sugar addiction. It seemed that every day that I continued to eat "just a few bites" I wanted more and more. I think a few curse words flew out of my mouth when I opened the fridge and saw it lol but I did leave it alone.

I just have to remember, "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten."