Celebrate!

Today we had my graduation/late birthday party. Mom got sub sandwiches, a cookie cake, and made some kind of cake with peach schnapps. I wasn't going to have any of it because I wanted to start the 21 days of Oxygen's dieting down plan today. But I knew if I denied myself some of it that I'd sneak out into the kitchen later tonight and splurge on it when everyone went to bed. Yes, I still feel guilty when I eat "unhealthy" foods or things people don't think I normally eat. Family members and friends know how much control (they called it craziness and over controlling) I used to have over my foods and they still are in shock when they see me eat anything most people don't consider healthy.

I hate that they still get this reaction because it makes me feel guilty whenever I eat food like that. I also feel guilty because I'm trying to lose BF and get control over my food choices again. I feel like I'm contradicting myself and being a hypocrite. I feel like I should be one way or the other, not somewhere in between. I know it's good to be in between and it's healthier to not be so over controlling of everything, but at the same time it's so hard to feel okay when eating out of my norm.

Anyways, the sub sandwiches had a TON of bread on them (really really thick bread) so I took off the top layer and ate it open faced. I had two 1 1/2 inch wedges but I took everything but the American cheese, turkey, lettuce, and tomato off. I don't eat ham, roast beef, or salami. Yuck! Then Mom bought another cookie cake (besides the one for my birthday 2 weeks ago) despite me telling her not to. I cut it up and I was vvv proud of myself for eating a small corner of it and that was it. I also had a tiny sliver of her peach schnapps cake. It was kinda boozy tasting...I still think Mom added more liqueur in it than it called for haha

So I'm pretty proud of how I ate. Not over controlling to where I'd binge later tonight but let myself enjoy what I had without giving into self control and eating more than what satisfied my taste buds. This past week I bought a bottle of white zinfandel for today but I know what alcohol does to your metabolism and I didn't feel like doing more damage than I did. I also knew that if I drank I'd eat A LOT more than I did.

Another reason to celebrate: I'm looking into a full time job. I was offered a position by a former employee of my father's who owns/runs a catering and specialty foods store with her boyfriend. It was about 4 weeks ago when she called me to offer it to me and at the time I thought, hell no! Now with actually having graduated and needing to find a job, I realize I should have been more open to it. I'm praying that she still has the position open and I'm going to tell her I didn't call her until now because I wasn't sure if I was really going to graduate because of the accounting II class--which was 100% true. I'm calling her tomorrow so please pray I get the job! I think she told me it's 40 hours a week--which is going to kill me for awhile. When I did part time work during the summer I was doing 24 hours max a week. My only concern is being able to stand that long...or sit for that matter. My back has been awful since graduation because of the hot shoes I wore LOL Hey, at least I looked cute at the time, right?

Now back to this whole 21 days thing. Lying in bed last night I got to thinking, you know, even if I do drop 10lbs in 21 days (like the plan guarantees--right, I'm not setting my expectations for that. Any loss is an accomplishment for me), what's the say that after those 21 days that my eating habits won't return to what they were prior to the 21 days? When I was at the end of my Tae Bo workout today, Billy said, "You have to change what's in here (pointing to himself), before you can change what's on the outside." It's so true. If I don't change my mindset about my eating habits and self control, how am I going to keep what has changed on the outside?

I've always wondered, these people that get liposuction....after they get it, how do they change their eating habits? At least when you've worked for the loss you know how much determination and self control it took and you're a changed person in the end. When you get liposuction or any other fat reduction surgery, you're mentality is still the same the day after surgery. Maybe these people can change their mindset after seeing the new them. Maybe I'm wrong assuming they can't change that easily. But I know that it's taken 3 or more years to finally realize that I have to change my inside before I can change my outside.

It takes 21 days to form a habit (or so "they" claim). Hopefully after these 21 days I'll have stepped out and changed part of my inside as well as my outside.

Now for the day:
CARDIO: ON
TRAINING: OFF
MEALS: ON with the exception of the celebrate food

Let's also hope that in 21 days I have a job! :o)

xoxo
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